I promise pictures of the baby soon!!!!
I am continuing on in my journey through Do You Think I'm Beautiful. It's funny how this and the Sacred Romance connect so much. I find myself reading the same things over - could God be trying to get my attention? LOL. I know that as I write this tonight, I will be going throug this again this week in the Sacred Romance.... God is an awesome God the way he works things out.
"I guess I've spent most of my adult life trying to get over it, trying to act like I'm not a girly girl... packing away all the nonsense about crushes and beautyu and labeling them childish. I have tried not to long for anything that resembles romance or passion because after a while, the disappointment becomes repetitively painful, like ripping new skin from an old wound." Hmmmm, how true this is of me. I have spent the last 3 to 5 years trying to prove I am not your typical girly girl, and that all the things that bother girls don't bother me. For those of you who care- I am typical. It does bother me. Romance is painful for me, it does scare me, and I'm not ready for it. I've been down the disappointment road, and I don't want to go there again. I havent found a love worth the hurt yet... and God is trying to show me love is worth it... I was worth it... and someone, someday, will be worth it.
"I have a family. I love God. I have car pool and baseball games and I mow the yard and clean the potties. I decide on something to make for dinner every single day. My life is full, and that should be enough. Besides, I am mature, educated, and spiritual, so it shouldn't whether I am known deeply by someone. It shouldn't matter wheter anyone thinks I'm beautiful. It shouldn't matter about the passion and romance stuff." Another lie I try to sell. My life is full... maybe not in the way she described it... but it is. I work- a wonderful job with wonderful people. Little people look up to me on a daily basis... and they call me thier best buddy. I'm a friend. I'm a sister. I minster to people. This should be enough. Even more, I have an intimate relationship with the creator of the universe. Yet, it does matter. Do you guys hear me- this is my heart for a change- it does matter to me!!! I know I'm not ready- but that doesnt mean it doesnt matter... that I don't cry out to God for it.
That's all I am going to go with for tonight. Honesty. Openness. I have so much more to go with about Other Lovers... and the things we fit in our God hole, but right now, I must stop.... I need to digest what I've thought on... and maybe try to sleep. Thanks for reading my heart....
